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Ireland's Presidential Campaign - Stream of Consciousness

DeValera kisses Archbishop McQuaid's ring, as he asks him to draft Ireland's 1937 Constitution, promising a different kind of ring-kissing when the suited yokels are gone home.

Why? Why? Why? President has no powers, is just Ireland's monarch figurehead. Why? Cutting ribbons, living beside the zoo, taking lots of free trips, getting paid €250,000. Five grand a week. Who wouldn't want to be president? Who would:

Dana Rosemary Scallon, Independent, Catholic songstress from a distant, primitive time. Did she know her niece was being sexually abused? Sure, didn't everyone in Ireland turned a blind eye to paedophilia? Back in the day. Hey.

Sean Gallagher, Independent, no street posters, TV Dragon. I don't know much about this business, so I'm not going to invest. Lifelong Fianna Fail member? Equivalent to being a paedo-Nazi in 2011 Ireland.

Michael D Higgins, Labour (IMF-loving Government) short so needs to stand on box for TV debate. Talks a lot of Irish and a lot of crap. Member of Champagne Socialist Party.

David Norris, Independent career politician, famously gay, famously sick but well paid, famously tried to get a child abuser off the hook, famously 'into' James Joyce with all his stream of consciousness mullarky.

Mary Davis, Independent career board member, queen of quangos, queen of Photoshop, likes red dresses. Establishment lady.

Martin McGuinness, Sinn Fein, bad man from the IRA according to West Brit media, led by Sir Tony O'Reilly. Now talks peace while RTE wants to talk war. RTE didn't want to talk to the IRA when it mattered, when they preferred to censor themselves.

Gay Mitchell, Fine Gael (IMF-loving Government) big time Catholic, threatens suicide when asked to smile. Charming.

Is a pattern emerging? Is Ireland truly a Nazi Catholic regime, the Establishment a humourless, paedo-loving, grim-faced bunch of bruised knee fascists? And how does this affect the twin Constitutional amendments also to be held on 27 October 2011? Cutting the pay of judges. Why not? Allowing the elected members of parliament (Houses of Commons and Lords) to become judge and jury themselves? Why not? Why not allow a humourless, paedo-loving, grim-faced bunch of bruised knee fascists summarily execute those who defy their cosseted sense of reality?

Welcome to I-ur-land, home of the slack-jawed yokel and the please-fuck-me-up-gene, AKA inbred peasants who like to take it on their knees, with delusions of grandeur and a pathetic, twisted past, present and future. Scrap the presidency. Scrap the Constitution. Start again. Start again.